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Jokes For Kids Funny
Why did the banana go out with the prune?
Because it couldn’t find a date.
How do you make a sausage roll?
Push it down a hill.
Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
They’d crack each other up.
What kind of cheese can never be yours?
What does a zombie vegetarian eat?
Why did the fisherman put peanut butter into the sea?
To go with the jellyfish.
Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing.
Why do mushrooms get invited to all the parties?
Because they’re such fungis.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
It was feeling crumb-y.
How does a train eat?
It goes chew chew.
What do you call a round, green vegetable that breaks out of prison?
What kind of nut has no shell?
What do you call a fake noodle?
What starts with “t” ends with “t” and is filled with “t”?
Who’s a dessert fan’s favorite actor?
Robert Brownie, Jr.
Why doesn’t McDonald’s serve escargot?
It’s not fast food!
What was left after the explosion in the French cheese factory?
Nothing but debrie.
Which dessert is perfect for eating in bed?
A sheet cake.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog?
It was an Oscar wiener.
Why does yogurt love going to museums?
Because it’s cultured.
Every morning I plan to make pancakes, but I keep waffling.
Did you hear the rumor about peanut butter?
I’m not telling you. You might spread it.
How do you get a hipster to eat a hot dog?
Put it in a man bun.
What do you call an exploding monkey?
What sport do horses like to play?
What kind of snake would you find on a car?
A windshield viper.
What do you call a pig who is never fun to hang out with?
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
Why don’t leopards play hide and seek?
Because they’re always spotted.
Where did the sheep go on vacation?
What do you call a monkey with a banana in both his ears?
Anything you want, it can’t hear you.
How does a dog stop his YouTube?
It presses the paws button.
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they’re so good at it.
What is the snake’s favorite subject?
What’s the name of the movie starring a pig and a dinosaur?
How do you stop a dog from barking in the backseat of a car?
Put it in the front seat.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls?
Because they are shellfish.
What do you call a pig who knows karate?
What do you call a magic dog?
How do you catch a rabbit?
Make a noise like a carrot.
A driver and a zebra are out for a drive when they get pulled over by the police.
The police officer looks in the car and says “You need to take that zebra to the zoo.” So the driver turned around and took the zebra to the zoo right away.
The next day, the same police officer pulls over the same driver. He still has the zebra in the car with him.
The police officer says, “I told you to take the zebra to the zoo yesterday.”
And the driver says, “I did, and today, we are going to a baseball game.”
What time do ducks get out of bed?
At the quack of dawn.
A policeman knocked on an old lady’s door.
“One of your dogs has been seen chasing a man on a bicycle.”
“Nonsense,” said the woman. “None of my dogs know how to ride a bike.”
Why did the elephant paint its toenails different colors?
To hide in a bag of M&M’s.
What kind of cat lives underwater?
Where does a ten ton elephant sit?
Anywhere it wants.
Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
It takes a long time for them to swallow their pride.
What do you call a magician who puts their right hand inside the mouth of a shark?
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because the chicken didn’t exist yet.
What do the farmers say to their cows after 9 p.m.?
Go to bed, it’s pasture bedtime.
Why did the police officer give the sheep a ticket?
It made an illegal ewe turn.
What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?
Anything it wants you to.
How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel.
Why can’t hippos ride bicycles?
Because they can’t find bike helmets to fit.
What do you call a cow that twitches?
Why aren’t koalas actually bears?
They don’t meet the koalafications.
How do bees get to school?
By school buzz.
What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
Pick them up and roll them back.
Why did the teacher draw on the window?
Because they wanted the lesson to be very clear.
What happened when the teacher tied every kids’ shoelaces together?
They had a class trip.
Why did the Cyclops close his school?
Because he only had one pupil.
When is a blue school book not a blue school book?
When it is read.
What’s the best place to grow flowers in school?
Teacher: Could you please pay a little attention?
Student: I’m paying as little attention as I can.
Teacher: Why is your homework in your father’s handwriting?
Pupil: I used his pen.
A boy was told to write a 100-word essay.
He thought for a bit then wrote: ‘I went out to call my cat in for the night, so I called ‘kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty…’
Why wasn’t the geometry teacher at school?
Because she sprained her angle.
Pupil: I don’t think I deserved zero on this test.
Teacher: I agree, but that’s the lowest mark I could give you.
What’s a teacher’s favorite nation?
What do you call a joke that isn’t funny?
How do you confuse someone?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at them.
What’s white and ruins your dinner?
What’s red and shaped like a bucket?
A red bucket.
How do you turn a soup to gold?
Add 24 carrots.
What looks like a tree, and has wheels?
A tree, I lied about the wheels.
What did one stranger say to the other?
Nothing, they were strangers who didn’t know each other.
What time is it when people are throwing pieces of bread at your head?
Time to duck.
Why did the God of Thunder need to stretch his muscles so much when he was a kid?
He was a little Thor.
Why were there more birds flying on one side of the V formation than the other? Because the other side had fewer birds.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.
What did the doctor say when she lost her scalpel?
I’ve lost my scalpel.
How do you make a lemon drop?
Let go of it.
A proton, an electron, and an ion went into a restaurant.
But nobody noticed because all three are microscopic.
What’s brown and sticky?
Why didn’t the dinosaur eat the baby?
Because dinosaurs became extinct before humans existed.
What’s red and bad for your teeth?
What goes black and white, black and white, black and white?
A penguin rolling down a hill.
What does the irate Spanish tourist say to the steward on their plane?
I don’t know. I don’t speak Spanish.
A man walks into a bar with a gorilla.
The barman asks him to leave because they serve food and are not legally allowed to have animals in the establishment.
Why do scuba divers fall backward off the boat?
Because if they fell forward they’d still be on the boat.
What do you call a fly with no wings?
Where do frogs keep their money?
In a riverbank.
Why can’t a pig keep a secret?
Because they always end up squealing.
What did Tarzan say when he saw the herd of hippos?
Look, a herd of hippos.
Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
What do you call a cow with no eyes?
A cow, the absence of eyes does not change the fact that it is a cow.
How long is a football field?
Half the length of two football fields.
What kind of tree can you hold in your hand?
A small one.
Why can’t dinosaurs clap?
Because they’re dead.
What’s yellow and something you shouldn’t drink?
A school bus.
Why did the dog vomit on the bed?
Because it was sick.
What did the policeman say when the criminal got away?
That criminal got away.
Why do you always find something in the last place you look?
Because after you have found it, there would be no point in continuing to look for it.
What do you call a droid that goes the long way round?
How much do piercings cost pirates?
A buck n ear.
Why is a squirrel like a cup of coffee?
Neither has a headphone jack.