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Best 100+ Funny Jokes For Kids
Yo mama’s so stupid, it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
Yo mama’s so fat she walked past the TV and I missed six episodes.
Yo mama’s so ugly, she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.
Yo mama’s so old, her Social Security number is one.
Yo mama’s so stupid she sold her car for gas money.
Yo mama’s so fat her belly gets home 15 minutes before the rest of her.
Yo mama’s so poor, she can’t even afford to pay attention.
Yo mama’s so fat, she had to get baptized at SeaWorld.
Yo mama’s so short her head smells like feet.
Yo mama’s so old her memory is in black and white.
Yo mama’s so lazy, she stuck her nose out the window and let the wind blow it.
Yo mama’s so stupid she tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order.
Yo mama’s house is so small you have to go outside to change your mind.
Yo mama’s so ugly, when she was little, she could only trick-or-treat by phone.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she thought a quarterback was a refund.
Yo mama’s so skinny her pajamas only have one stripe.
Yo mama’s so fat, she has to use a satellite to take selfies.
Yo mama’s so lazy she’s got a remote control just to operate her remote.
Yo mama’s so ugly not even goldfish will smile back.
Yo mama’s so short, people thought she was a Funko Pop
Yo mama’s so old that when she was in school, history classes hadn’t been invented.
Yo mama’s so stupid if she said what’s on her mind she’d probably be speechless.
Yo mama’s so scary, the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Yo mama’s so fat she doesn’t skinny dip, she chunky dunks.
Yo mama’s so stupid she dropped a rock on the ground and missed.
Yo mama’s so ugly, she made a Happy Meal cry.
Yo mama’s so dirty a tornado hit her house and did $10,000 worth of improvement.
Yo mama’s so small she got run over by a Hot Wheel.
Yo mama’s house is so small, if you buy a large pizza you have to go outside to eat it.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she put airbags on her computer in case it crashed.
Yo mama’s so ugly that even Scooby Doo couldn’t solve that mystery.
Yo mama’s so fat she has two watches; one for each time zone she’s in.
Yo mama’s so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people’s fingers.
I got my best friend a fridge for his birthday.
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
Why should you stay away from trees?
They can be a little shady.
My dogs are called Rolex and Timex.
They’re my watchdogs.
When is a car not a car?
When it turns into a driveway.
I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage.
The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity.
What did the buffalo say when its child left for college?
Bison.
Why are pediatricians always so angry?
Because they have little patients.
Why is “R” the pirate’s second favorite letter?
Because their first love is the C.
What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
An irrelephant.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
They woke up when the teacher shouted.
Why are mountains so good at telling jokes?
Because they’re hill areas.
What days are the strongest?
Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weak days.
A man is washing his car with his son when the son asks him:
“Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?”
What’s red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.
A man was surprised to discover a fairy living at the end of his garden.
The fairy offered three wishes to the man if he’d keep the fairy’s existence a secret.
“Deal,” said the man.
“For my first wish, I’d like to be rich.”
“Okay, Rich,” said the fairy, “what would you like for your second wish?”
What’s the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant?
About 5,000 miles.
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them.
Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?
So that when the ships dock, it’s easy to Scandinavian.
What’s a foot long and slippery?
A slipper.
Why can’t you eat Wookie meat?
Because it’s chewy.
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
Two goldfish are in a tank.
One fish says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
They taste funny.
What’s Harry Potter’s favorite way to get down a hill?
Walking. JK. Rolling.
Why don’t hippies like camping?
‘Cause, it’s in tents, man.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate the pizza before it was cool.
Why did the baker put the birthday cake in the freezer?
Because it had to be iced.
How did the birthday party guests break their teeth?
They bit into the marble cake.
How can you tell if an elephant’s been to your birthday party?
There are footprints on your cake.
What did the pirate say exactly one year after their 79th birthday?
Aye matey.
Patient: “Doctor, please help me. I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”
Doctor: “Well, next time, take off the candles.”
What does a turtle do on its birthday?
It shell-ebrates.
What do you sing to a kangaroo once a year?
Hoppy birthday.
What kind of cake does the Ice Queen like to eat on her birthday?
The flavor doesn’t matter as long as it has lots of frosting.
What’s the most stressful moment for a dragon?
Blowing out his birthday candles.
What kind of birthday cake do you get for a coffee fan?
Choco-latte.
What did the grumpy candle say?
“I hate birthdays. They burn me up.”
What flavor of cake do elves like on their birthday?
Strawberry shortcake.
Why do birthdays make kangaroos unhappy?
They only get to celebrate them in leap years.
What do you give a 900-pound gorilla for its birthday?
I don’t know, but you’d better hope it likes it.
Where does a snowman put birthday candles?
On their birthday flake.
What do you sing to a cat on its birthday?
Happy birthday to me.
My family was so poor, the only thing I got on my birthday was another year older.
What do Olympic sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing. They fast.
Why is a baseball stadium always windy?
Because it’s full of fans.
What kind of race is never run?
A swimming race.
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
In case they get a hole-in-one.
What kind of pets is like NASCAR?
Lapdogs.
Why is Cinderella so bad at soccer?
Because she always runs away from the ball.
Which type of goalkeeper can jump higher than a crossbar?
All of the crossbars can’t jump.
What animal can you always find at a baseball game?
A bat.
Why did the police attend the baseball game?
They heard that someone had stolen a base.
Why should you avoid dinner with a basketball player?
Because they dribble.
When is a baseball player like a spider?
When he catches a fly.
Why is tennis such a loud sport?
The players raise a racquet.
What time is it when a golf ball goes through a window?
Time to get a new window.
What lights up a soccer stadium?
A soccer match.
Why are penguins, good race drivers?
Because they’re always in pole position.
How is a baseball team like a pancake?
They both need a good batter.
Why did the orange lose the race?
It ran out of juice.
Which insect do you not want to see in the goal?
A fumble bee.
Why aren’t chickens good at sports?
Because they hit foul balls.
What do you get when you cross a baseball pitcher with a carpet?
A throw rug.
Why don’t baseball players join unions?
Because they don’t like to be called out on strikes.
Why are there no football stadiums in space?
Because there’s no atmosphere.
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
What do you get when you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.
What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?
A tube-a toothpaste.
Why did the pianist bang their head against the keys?
They were playing by ear.
What concert costs just 45 cents?
50 Cent with Nickelback.
What musical keys do cows sing in?
Beef flat.
What is a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?
A Trombone.
What music frightens balloons?
Pop music.
What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose — you can blow it like a trumpet and pick it like a guitar.
Why couldn’t the pianist start their car?
Because the keys were on their piano.
What did the guitar say to the guitar player?
Stop stringing me along.
Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.
I kept thinking I could hear music coming from my printer.
Turns out it was jamming.
What did Jay-Z call his wife before they were married?
Feyoncé.
Why do turkeys make the best drummers?
Because they have drumsticks.
Why are pirates great singers?
They hit the high C’s.
Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because someone put on the salsa.
Why did the fish make such a good musician?
It was a natural with scales.
What kind of music do rabbits like best?
Hip hop.
What do you call a musician with problems?
Trebled.
Final Word
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